"So This Is The New Year"

I love the end of the year. It is one of the best times to look back and reflect on what has happened in one's life in the previous 12 months. I can't believe it has already been almost a year since I have been home again. Let me just tell you a little about 2011. I went to my first set of playoff games for the OKC Thunder and fell in love with basketball. My oldest sister tied the knot. I stumbled upon a job that has led me to pursuing a career one of which I am not quite sure of. I have started back to college after 4 years of being out of high school. I moved into my very own apartment all by myself for a solid 6 months. I ran my first 5k. I climbed Mt. Scott. I intentionally spent the vast majority of the year single, as I have learned it is better to be alone and happy rather than together and miserable. I have become comfortable in my own skin. 2011 has been a year of complete transition for me, though I would like to say in 2012 I will have it all figured out I fear that will not be the case. Life is always transitional, this is also what I have learned this year. One thing you can always count on consistently is change. Change is oh so inevitable, but it is how one reacts to change that defines a person. Things change, though I can't tell you where my life is going I am positive about my future. 2011 was a beautiful mess of a year and part of me is a bit sad to see it leave. Another part of me is so pumped for 2012....Lets see what firsts are in store next year! Here is my year 2011 in picture form

A flat tire, Rim Key, and Christ

To Start Out Are Some Pictures Of Our Adventure:




It all began Wednesday evening, my friend Wendi was headed back to her home town of Sulfer after SWITCH (Our Youth Group). Wendi had called me on her way out of the city to chat it up (we are both super social butterflies). As she was on the phone she said she heard a noise and thought it was her car breaking down. She pulled over in a bit of a sketch area on the north side of OKC and had me stay on the phone as she looked over her car. It became apparent then that she had a tire blow out. Not just any blow out, we are talking shredded wheel, undriveable, ridiculousness. She asked me to pick her up which I gladly jumped on (as I didn't have work the next day and was kind of excited to empower another female with the knowledge of changing a flat tire!) Well we got it all jacked up and such but then she springs the RIM KEY on me. You see I have never changed a tire with a rim key, but I was up for a challenge. After 30 minutes of struggling I gave up. (During this time Wendi was standing guard over me with a taser gun lol) Accepting defeat we went back to my apartment and had a sleep over. Yes this 22 year old just said I had a sleep over. We stayed up till 4 am discussing God, past loves, and just life in general. The next morning we devised a plan of finding some man power to help us change this tire. We texted our friend Anna from church asking to borrow a man or two from the daily schedule. She sent us her husband Cody instead (Side note Cody is ex-marine so I figured shoot WE GOT THIS!) When Cody arrived he took a look at the rim key and said "Girls it doesn't look too good. This key has been used one too many times and is oddly rounded, but I will give it a go." As he was churning the lug-wrench we hear a crack. He takes it off to discover the rim key has now busted into two pieces. If you know nothing of rim keys well they are unique. None are alike so if you broke your only one you are in the nicest possible way of stating it....well screwed. So Wendi and I started out on a journey to fix the dreaded car situation. First it was to O'Reileys where several local parts specialist pointed us in the right direction to a shop who would remove the lug nuts for a price of course. We got to the shop expecting them to come out in service the vehicle. This of course was not the case, but the shop gave us their card and told us as long as we could get the vehicle there they would gladly help us. So this meant a tow, but most tows are expensive some how though by the grace of God this particular tow company charged Wendi a flat rate for the hook-up. While towing the car we realized the tags were expired. This of course was another blessing in itself as the holidays are soon approaching and cops are out patrolling extra heavy, after we dropped the car off we headed to the local tag agency. The tag was less than we anticipated, yet again another blessing... *See a pattern here* We went back to the apartment to take a quick nap while we waited for the car. The shop said they would have it done by evening. Well evening came and we had no phone call so we proceeded to run to the shop, this is where we found Wendi's car still up in the air jacked up clearly unoperatable. The owner proceeded to tell us they wouldn't have it done until tomorrow morning. So this meant Wendi's trip was delayed yet again another day. I had a hectic day at work the next day, but promised to be there to drop her off at her car in my 30 minute allotted time for lunch. I told my boss about it and once again by the grace of God she understood and gave me all the time I needed. Wendi finally made it to Sulfer. I learned a thing or two about giving up a free day, a little shut eye, and a tiny bit of gas to help a friend in need. The most amazing part about it was the joy God graced us with through out it all. The flat tire was all a part of his plan to build our friendship and learn to trust in him on a whole new level!

"Tell Me A Story"/ A Tale of Thanksgivings Past

I once had a boyfriend who would always ask me to tell him a story, I mean every time we talked. Forgive me and my faulty memory because for the life of me I can't tell you which one it was! Anyways it eventually became a game. He would tell a story, I would tell a story and it was a fantastic way to pass the time. I tell you all this because I realize that "Tell me a story." has become one of my every day lines that I LOVE using. I am genuinely so interested in the lives of others. I long to hear stories of every day living, quiet moments, and shocking events. I guess I just love communication in general. Believe it or not I do tend to think if we all spent half as much time listening as we do talking we would take in an unfathomable amount of wisdom. So tonight I ask you to do this for me. Tell me a story. Any story. Good, bad, your whole life story, or just a brief moment in time. Life is a beautiful story dying to be told. It is a shame if you never share yours. Here is my story. Now it is winter and I become super nostalgic of the winters past. As I do this I think particularly of last Thanksgiving. You see I was living in Germany with one of my closest friends Savannah. We were super excited about the Holiday. We woke up to a perfectly white morning and began the cooking for the feast of the evening. While cooking we realized we didn't have pumpkin for the pumpkin pies!!!! This was hilarious because I made the shopping list, and though we had no pumpkin we had pumpkin pie seasoning and pie shells from the grocery trip. In a frenzy we panicked, went to a local German market and attempted to find pumpkin pie filling. Apparently Germans don't eat pumpkin pie. So we bought a jar of pickled pumpkin (YES I SAID PICKLED) and attempted to re-create an American favorite. Needless to say it turned out terrible, but well it makes for a great story. The year Savannah and I made pickled pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving.
Our snowy drive to the store

The dream team Savannah and I

Fickle Feelings.

Webster's Dictionary defines fickle as marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability : given to erratic changeableness. If I owned a dictionary I would probably write Megan DuPriest out in the margin. 2011 is winding down, I can't help but break it down a bit and evaluate where I'm currently sitting. I had a romanticized idea of moving out to the city, making more than enough to survive, meeting someone I genuinely cared about, learn how to love again. Yes believe it or not this was my somewhat check list I had in my mind of "to dos." Instead I moved out, realized I can hardly make it from one paycheck to the next, I met a couple of men I cared nothing about, and learned that there isn't too much out there in the "love" department. There was one though I liked him. So I shut it down, the feelings. I tried to remind myself of how numb I was to everyone around including the closest of family and friends. I couldn't deny it though I was reminded there was something beating in my chest. Its over of course and I can't really say who was to blame. I suppose it was me for literally feeding myself lines out loud in order to convince myself I have no heart, no desire for love or marriage, no feelings or concerns about the opposite sex. This is where the fickleness of myself comes into play, I can literally convince myself I am a.o.k. without heartache, romance, and all the other junk associated with that four letter word love. In the core of my very being though is the desire to be loved, by God, family, friends, and hopefully one day a significant other. Confession of the night there is still a girl who is silly enough to believe its still out there....Love. I do still believe.

1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love Never Fails."

Self Worth & Self Beauty

As of lately I have felt quite blah. I had a friend tell me I have so much potential but yet I sell myself short by settling. This got me thinking, why do I settle? The answer is lack of self-worth. I don't seem to see the treasure and beauty within myself. My attitude has become mediocre towards most important things, such as work and school. In doing so my own self-preservation has even taken a back slide. But I will say this regardless of what the scales say I am absolutely beautiful. I have defined myself by the number for far too long and am living by an example from a close friend and saying no to the scales. She herself has lost so much weight though unable to tell you the exact amount because she just doesn't subject herself to the things. I am excited for this new chapter; new way of positive thinking. This is me Megan DuPriest defined by intellect, positivity and curves. Now time for some amazing pictures done by the friend I just spoke of check out her blog, shes beautiful, a breathe taking photographer, and a witty blogger as well! http://abiruth.blogspot.com/

So this is what some call "Living the American dream"

Here recently it has became clear where I am at in life. I am a 22 year old woman working 40+ hours a week at a dead end job due to my lack of education. I have started college 4 years after the stereo-typical person of my graduating class. I am struggling to keep my head above water currently, waiting for my student loan check to arrive so that I can get my oil changed (its past due by 100 miles) and pay off my credit card. Oh and get some new contacts....and fill a cavity or two. I live in an efficiency apartment. Its a bedroom with a kitchenette and a bathroom attached. ALONE. All alone. This being said I look around at my life and think could this seriously be the "American Dream?" Geez I sure hope not, there has got to be more than just getting by and struggling to survive....and being alone. Wow its disheartening more often than not to leave work only to arrive at an empty home, empty bed, empty space. I am left with homework, church activities, and racing thoughts to help manage the void. I know it seems like I'm complaining a lot. Lets be real here though. This is the current state of my heart and head. Seasons of life are inevitable. I just can't help but want to wish this one away. I want my American Dream to be so much more than this. I want to feel content with the things I have and I would really enjoy the company of someone next to me sharing all of it.

Is it a sad realization?

This evening a friend and I were speaking of our current passions, goals, dreams, ya know the normal in depth chat you tend to get into with your closest companions. She confessed to me that her new awakened dream is to eventually get married and have kids. Be a wife and a mom #1 dream. I cringed. I made it clear that I didn't approve. I didn't mean to it just happened. See I'm the type of gal that can't hide anything expression wise so I figured I would be honest. I don't know when the personality shift happened, but I can say it was sometime after December 2010. I once had money held over my head, I vowed I would never let that happen again. Call it a little bitter, senile; whatever IT IS WHAT IT IS. I want to be the main bread winner. I want to make enough for me then some extra! I'm not saying I don't want my "hypothetical future husband" to work. Of course he would contribute to the family's being as well...but I want to make more than him ;P. I want nothing more than to climb the corporate ladder somewhere and make a name for myself. MEG D. I want to be the best. Anyways I guess this realization is a bit bitter-sweet for me. My room mate from Germany always wanted to climb the corporate ladder and was super career oriented. She is now pregnant with her first child and is actually excited (she didn't want a child this soon originally) I used to tell her how envious I was of her balls to the walls, go get em, make that money attitude. Somehow the wires have got crossed and she has adopted my dream of being a mother. I have adopted her dream of a career, not quite a family. Sad realization? It just might be. It is just a season though. With any season it is sure to change with time.

I Like It When People Post Random Facts About Themselves

So here is my random fact blog

1. I floss everyday. I also brush my teeth twice a day following through with mouthwash. One could say I'm a little OCD about the care of my teeth

2. I drink 2 cups of coffee every morning. With 2 spoonfuls of splenda and a precise splash of fat free half and half

3. I own a personalized snuggie. It was a gift for Christmas one year. It was suppose to say "Lil Meg's Snuggie" but instead says "Meg's Lil Snuggie" - Either way, still gansta...thanks you 2 (you know who you are)

4. Several of my friends from high school have called me "the ugly duckling" Yes I was awkward but well I guess I grew out of it? Bahaha

5. I'm terrified of grasshoppers. I can handle the biggest baddest spider but throw a grasshopper or cricket on me and I will scream

6. My favorite artist is Botticelli, I have a calender with his works hanging on my wall at the current moment

7. My favorite sport to watch is basketball. I go crazy for some Thunder games!

8. The car I currently drive is my first car to ever purchase on my own

9. I have no idea what I want to be "when I grow up"

10. You can always find a pitcher full of kool-aid and a gallon of skim milk in my fridge

11. My favorite music artist of all time is John Mayer. He is my lover

12. This is my first time to live alone...completely alone. It is nice, I often wonder what I will do after my year lease is up. Luckily I have 9 months to ponder the question

I figured it was time for an update.

So This is it I survived my first week of being a freshmen. Yes at the striking young age of 22 I have decided to pursue a degree. I declared nursing as my major, but I fear it will be changing at some point. There is not much to say as now my life consists of these 3 primary things.

1. School


2. Church


3. Work


Feeling a bit uninspired in the blogging world. I think its due to over-exhausting myself on English Comp 1. It should be simple, but I'm over analyzing and over thinking. Stereotypical Meg D.

God's Grace is Sufficient. Even for a Sinner Like Me.

I've felt extremely uninspired. I have nothing even remotely interesting to write about other than the usual "oh woah is me." lines I have become so accustomed to proclaiming ...I can't stand whom I have become. Let me just tell you about it. I don't know how it happened but I drifted away. I feel it honestly hit once I moved out. Just recently I have missed God's ever presence in my life. I used to feel him like a best friend side by side throughout the day. Then life happened. Work happened. I changed. I used to pray prayers such as "God please let me be a light in my work environment, they need you." Now I pray something like this "God I'm so sorry I have failed as an example for you. I act exactly like the lost, saying and doing as I please with little remorse. I'm sorry I suck at representing you." I also used to tithe before I moved out. I looked forward to giving back to him and his kingdom. Now I have it fit into my budget, but hold onto it for fear that his promises won't hold true. That he won't provide. I am such a selfish joke right now. My faith lacks faith, how is that even possible? I want so badly to be the boldest Christ Follower around but am constantly falling down and messing up. I know we are all human. I just have a hard time grasping his everlasting grace. It is nothing I can earn yet I still have an internal struggle thinking I can. If I act just a little better maybe he will bless me with a better paycheck, a nice boy who loves him as much as me...I keep trying to earn my way. I know its not the right way. How do I change the thinking pattern though? I must grasp that he loves me even when things are not perfect. Things will never be perfect. There is beauty in the breakdown. That is what this is. This is the breakdown.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Finding Faith In Men My Age

Here it is confession time. I am ridiculous. Fact. I know most of you all who actually read my blog can pick up on this just by well reading, but thanks for continuing to still do so! Anyways it has recently occurred to me that I have a super skeptical view on most men around my age. I have managed to convince myself that you men from ages 20-30 only want one thing. While this is true for so many of you I know down deep in my heart that there are still some good ones out there. Unfortunately I have trained myself to be so defensive, cold, and in some instances down right heartless. They say that the first step of getting over a problem is admitting you have one right? So step one is down! I guess this thought process started back in 2010 you know the year I swore off all men. (well the majority of the year) It was like since I had sworn off dudes I became the ultimate challenge the one to break the celibacy. I remember being so disgusted with all the guys who claimed to be my friends. Whom had their own motives all secretly planning their "friend scheme" to get into my pants. Needless to say none of the tactics worked. The games are all so clear when you are standing on the outside so far and removed, looking in. Anyways I am going to give you men 20-30 age range a chance. I am going to try and not look at you all with judging, jaded eyes. I will have faith that there are still some genuine guys out there.



Yes Zac Efron that means I'm even giving you a chance ;D

Getting to know yourself.

It is so funny the way things are. As I am growing up I am learning various things about myself that well I have never really noticed. Since moving out I have learned several things they are listed below

1. I am an overly-social individual, I crave constant attention, social interaction, communication EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY
2. I am an extremist. If I'm feeling great I'm on cloud 9 if I'm feeling low I'm dirt on the ground. There is just no mid-range with me. I'm an all or nothing kind of gal
3. I have many vices. I shove them deep down into my heart and go many many many months without touching one of them, but when I start with one well here come the next five right along with the first...
4. I struggle with budgeting. It seems so adult-like and for this reason well that leads me to #5
5. In my mind and heart I still feel 18 years old. I know I have gone through many things and have grown up so much, but I still feel entirely too young to act as old as I do. I have a major case of not wanting to accept reality that I am an adult. This is life as I know it. For now.

All these things listed I have just recently noticed because of my move out on my own in the big wide world haha. Its very interesting getting to know yourself. I was under the impression I had at least figured myself out. No way Jose! Took it to a whole nother level living alone with time to waste on me, myself, and I. Finding myself along the way on this crazy road we call life. This is me :)

The awkward moment.

In a friendship whenever you realize it will never be the same. This is on my mind today. Take for instance my friend Savannah & I...I will never forget the day I moved out 6 months after moving in, our friendship was never going to be the same. Though we still remain abnormally close we are no longer attached at the hip *or up each others butts 24/7. She is still in Germany I am back in Oklahoma. She is pregnant & married. I have been primararly single for a year & a half. I have another friend who is leaving for another country very soon. This one is in the airforce of course. We have been friends for a good minute...by minute I mean 8 years. Here recently I have reconnected with this one, became pretty close again. Then gone...2 weeks from now I won't even be able to shoot a text or pick up a phone and call. Its just crazy how people come in and out of your life so swiftly, as soon as it happens it seems its over as well. I wish I could sleep with ease at night knowing all my friends near and far will never drift away ever...but well its just not reality. Reality is life changes with these changes your friends do too. I guess I'm just contemplating these things as I have recently moved out alone for the first time ever....completly alone. Its too quiet. Too alone. Too adult. I'm happy don't get me wrong. Just still not 100% content. Is there really such a thing though? Feeling distant.

"Here's to You"

Today is June 28th. Today is a monumental moment in my small existence in this world. It has been a year my friends. A year since I finally ended it all with a signature on the dotted line and an oath in front of the judge. Funny its only been a year. So much has changed. You see I'm still in the middle of finding myself. My life is the most beautiful disaster I could ever hope for or imagine! You...well you. Where do I start? You are remarried? She is 12 years older? She is the complete opposite of me. Yeah. Very interesting. I am no way shape or form dogging you about any of these solid facts I just find them well quite honestly HIGHLY ENTERTAINING! I wish ya well sir. I must say though the track record isn't looking too good. It seems as though you can't be alone. How sad. You see to fight loneliness is human nature, I understand this. The beauty in being alone though is you learn yourself. You figure out what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you mad, all of these things are crucial to understanding ones' self before bringing a significant other into the picture. As I have primarily been alone for the past year and a half I feel as though I am half-way there to the point of self-actualization. Maybe someday soon in the near future I will be there. If not well lets face it I have at least 5-7 years of schooling to get through before I can honestly focus solely on pursing a relationship with someone. So I'm learning to not worry about it right now. This is my beautiful season of singleness I've been blessed with. Everyday is a gift and well today is the day I praise the Lord that he sent my life into a downward spiral a year ago only to lift me from the ashes!

Yes I will take a martini neat please...

Here recently I have become simply fascinated with the 1930s era not only people, fashion, and overall greatness but specifically the music. Here in Oklahoma City we have a radio station called 105.3 The Martini and I find myself listening to it more and more each passing week. I listen to the lyrics of most these songs they sing of falling in love, innocent strolls in the park, holding hands and such. I can't help but wonder how did the world ever get this way? Don't get me wrong I'm so glad we have the modern technology we have, but where did the simplicity of love and innocence go? We went from Sinatra to Snoop Dogg...tell me what happened? I fall in love with each song singing of such sweet, slow, love. Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic in love with the idea of being in love. Wishing life was in black and white like the old photos and movies. I honestly haven't a clue where I was going with this post other than thinking out loud and wishing at the moment I would have lived some portion of my life back in the 1930s. Maybe I can pretend that I do one evening and host a 1930s party in the 1930s pad (haha historical neighborhood joke). I could have rocked some pearls and heels, cleaned some house, and cooked some great food. Just sayin ;)

"One of the guys"

Whenever I was in high school I had so many guy friends. I was proud to be "one of the guys" you know the girl that hung out with all the dudes but never got hit on. Anyways here I am 22 years of age in the same place. I am once again "one of the guys." The problem is I don't want to be "one of the guys" anymore. I have tried so hard to shake this image. I do my hair and make up daily. I wear heels. I wear dresses. Yet somehow I manage to only have platonic friendships with the opposite sex. All this being said its hard for me to understand how I have fallen into this strange gap of being "one of the guys" again. I guess I have just noticed this recently as I have several guy friends whom are all stinkin awesome!!!! I just can't help but wonder....will I always be in the friend zone with ALL men? Please don't get me wrong I am soooooo content right now in my singleness. If I had a boyfriend I probably couldn't handle it... well maybe if it was the right person haha. But well its nice to be complimented sometimes by someone who isn't currently in a relationship or a friend of the same sex.I'm the awkward platonic friend.... That's all I got for the evening.

The Bachlorette Pad

Whenever I was younger I dreamed of moving out at the age of 18. In my dreams I was a single woman with a perfect home. Yes perfect, every room had a theme. I think at that point in my life my bathroom was to be beach themed, my kitchen was to be farm themed, living room all modern black and white everything. Oh and I was also a lawyer in my dreams hahaha. Anyways now that I am 22 I am finally getting the opportunity to have my "dream home". Okay so its not some huge fancy 3 bedroom two bath home. It is a studio. One kitchenette. One bathroom. One space that makes up my bedroom and living room. (but I do have my themes picked even for a tiny house kitchen: coffee bathroom: paris studio: black & white w/red accents) Let me tell you about this little place. I had been praying to God for several months to send me somewhere cheap and safe to live within Oklahoma City (and if you know okc then you know cheap & safe don't really belong in the same sentence together) Then one day it popped up an apartment on craigslist. It was listed in Edgemere which is a historical neighborhood about 10 mins from where I currently work. You see Edgemere has 24/7 armed security patrolling the neighborhood, so seeing this add on craigslist had me in a frenzy as I knew how great of a deal it was! So I tried contacted Herb (my now land lord) several times no answer. Finally I texted him Sunday still no answer. I was getting impatient so I drove over to the house to see it myself then suddenly I got a text it was him wanting to meet to see the apartment in 20 mins! I walked in and fell in love! I knew it was the place for me. My parents came the next day and gave me their blessing. I move in July 2nd! I'm so stoked. God is so good!

*P.S. Fun facts Edgemere is 2 mins from the Paseo Arts District, 4 mins from Midtown, and 9 mins from Bricktown (aka amazing location!)

Why Georgia?

Confession. Every time I feel weary or unsure of my paths I listen to John Mayer's Why Georgia. Though I'm not 25 nor near a quarter life crisis, well I can relate. "So what so I've got a smile on? Its hiding the quiet superstitions in my head. Don't believe me don't believe me when I say I've got it down!" I have such great plans for the near future and I hold my head high as I smile confidently reciting them to all who inquire. But well on the inside I have my doubts. Will I be smart enough to conquer this stirring in my soul to become an R.N.? Will I have the patience and dedication to stay on top of my college classes? Will I still have a passion for it all after I have earned the degree? When should I really move out? What part of the city should I move to (north or south or somewhere in the middle) Will I be able to pay all my bills on my own income? Can I really handle being a 100% adult responsible for only myself? These are my thoughts floating in this head of mine. Although I have all these doubts and questions one thing remains certain.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." -Romans 8:28

Keeping The Faith & Renewing it daily

Enjoy The Video...

Do You Ever Get That Feeling????

Do you ever get that feeling? You know the one...Whenever you know someone is going to play a huge role in your life? I personally haven't had this feeling since well to be quite honest probably the 8th or 9th grade. See whenever you are young its perfectly acceptable to say "that person is going to be in my life forever!" or "I just know they are special". Now that I'm adult I believe I am suppose to suppress these feelings as they are probably just wishful thinking, but with you I just can't. I feel you strongly on my heart, but I also hear God's gentle voice whispering patience and guidance. I had to get this out in writing. God is molding my heart into the woman I am meant to be. You will be a huge part of my life and I know it. So I guess this is just a note to the unnamed person....I feel it. That's all you need to know. :)

Getting Past Your Past.

Right now we are in a series called "Getting Past Your Past" at church. It has re-awakened alot of things I have had buried in my heart. Here recently at work I have been beginning to know/learn about my co-workers. As they are getting to know me I have told them my crazy history in life for such a young woman. As I look back on these things I feel sick. I have feelings of fondness and loathing over my time with him. How is this possible? I guess with all that is going on in my life I look back at my time with him as a moment of independence. I had my own apartment and I felt needed (even if it was just to do laundry, clean house, cook, and go to work) I miss feeling so necessary. I know it sounds nuts. I also fear I will never allow myself to fully feel again for another man the way I felt for him. It will be a year next month since it was officially over. I guess I just feel like a fool for still hurting from it all. I have noticed with serious breakups and divorces it seems as though one moves on so swiftly its insane while the other never fully recovers. A walking joke trying to smile and act as if they are okay while on the inside they have built a brick wall with barbed wire and electrical currents protecting the contents of their small piece of a heart they have left. I forgave him some time ago and he has forgiven me but that being said, why can't I move on? How do I backtrack and pick up the pieces of my heart I have lost along the way to make it full again? I know I'm made whole and complete in Christ. I just wish I wouldn't have gave such a big portion to him...that's what happens though whenever you make someone else the reason you live rather than God himself. I'm just having an off night reminiscing about things I have no control over. I've got to get past my past. I'm working on it so hard!

Lets Dance...

M. Ward's cover of Lets Dance by David Bowie. Weirdest thing is I never connected the 2 together because it sounds so different and I'm not a crazy fan of 80s pop. Anyways here are a couple of images that I see in my mind as I listen to this lovely little number...





As you can see I day dream about certain songs in mostly black and white this is one of them.... A random music blog.

P.S. If you ever drop by starbucks check out their pick of the weeks they debut free music via itunes weekly from upcoming and well known artist!

The Blogger's woes

It seems as though you can never please everyone, nor do I try to. I must say though here recently I have done my fair share of making people angry with my beliefs and expressions whether it be via twitter, facebook, or blog. I feel its only natural to address this as it has been occurring oh so frequently. Here are my views and key points.

1) My blog, facebook, and twitter are all MINE where I am free to say as I please.

2) If you don't like it please don't click on the link. If I didn't want to hear your opinions and ideas I wouldn't go to your site.

3) Don't be concited enough to ASSUME that I am talking about you. If you do well you know what they say about assuming...

4) If I do feel like blogging or facebooking about you I will. If you confront me about it I will give you my honest reasons as to why I did. I am obviously an open book so confrontation is not a big deal at all for me!

5) These are all thoughts, ideas, and opinions I have formed based on what I have seen through out life.

6) Finally Enjoy it! If you are not enjoying my blog then I'm sorry I don't entice you, don't waste your time reading if its that lame and unenjoyable!

<3 <3 <3 Meg D.

**I will be here for a while**

The funny thing about life.

Is you never know what everyone else around you is going through. Whenever I was in the 8th or 9th grade I went to this church camp. I met several amazing people and one of them was a guy. I'm not going to use this guy's real name so we will just call him Joe. Joe was amazing, he loved Jesus so much and came from a christian home who's parents were still married which is quite rare you know. As I got to know Joe I developed the biggest crush on him. This is quite typical of me at this age, I'm pretty sure I had a crush on at least 5 guys at this time but Joe boy Joe was the #1 on the list. Joe and I exchanged phone numbers after camp and kept in touch for a bit, but eventually we lost contact with one another. He lived in the city I lived in Yukon thats a long distance friendship whenever you are 14 and don't have a car ;P. One thing that always got to me was he never showed true interest in me, I mean barely even as a friend. Anyways I recently reconnected with this old friend Joe. We were sharing our stories of life and he told me about how he never dated growing up although I was in awe of this fact I kept my composure. This fact was just what I needed to hear. It was an instant reminder that sometimes you just don't know what is going on in someone's life unless you are connected with them. This is my challenge to all who read this post. Don't judge someone in their current state because you never know what is really going on in that heart of theirs. I always wondered why Joe didn't like me because I was a shallow girl who saw potential in herself for him. Joe didn't pursue me because he was holding out for God's best and well he still is. Just a fun story of how life can be sometimes and the lessons along the way.

The rules of attraction.

Here recently I have had the opportunity to reconnect with a few of my friends since being home. The #1 topic is almost always relationships, or the new guy in their life, the re-kindled romance of a previous relationship, the one night stand, fling, or here today gone tomorrow crush. All this talk of friendships, relationships, and dating the opposite sex really has me thinking...what makes us attracted to one another? Obviously we are all human and most long to be connected with one another. What makes someone stand out though? When you look for someone what attributes and physical qualities make a person attractive in your eyes? I find it so interesting hearing my friend's reasoning's for liking/dating guys. Sometimes its pure shallow (yes I am guilty of it as well GASP) "HE IS JUST SO STINKIN HOTT!". Other times its personality, "We mesh so well together, he makes me laugh all the time". Then there is the perfect one "He is so perfect, there has to be a flaw". I personally am amazed by how many levels there are of attraction. I guess I have this on my mind also because I personally am trying to figure out what makes me attracted to people. I look around at my friends and they are so diverse its nuts! Then I look at my current crushes (yes I just said crushes I have reverted back to being a 15 year old girl in 1 single sentence) and well they are equally as diverse. So this is just a little post to get you thinking about attraction. Take a step back and evaluate why you are genuinely attracted a person and savor that you know these facts...

Things I've learned since running...

1. Every day is not going to be your best day! You are just simply going to have bad running days. You will not (or in my case I will not) run 5 miles every day...fact.

2. There will be times whenever you feel like giving up, like your body is working against you. Resist the resistance!

3. There will be days the last thing you want to do is roll out of bed and onto the treadmill, get over it. Go out there and live.

4. A lot of running is a mental game. If you are mentally healthy you can do it, but if your head is filled with "I can't, I will never make it, this isn't for me" then you are right it isn't for you because you will never make it with a negative attitude.

5. You can't compare yourself to the other runners or you will fail. Take me for example. When I run on the treadmill I am a beast. I stop down so hard with every step its ridiculous. At first I cared about how loud my feet would land on the thing, then I realized what does it matter? *Yes people do tend to give me dirty looks like "Geez lady could you tear the treadmill up some more."So I'm louder than the rest? This is me. This is how I run.

KEY POINT: I see running a lot like I see our spiritual relationship with Christ. We have good days we have bad days. Some days we are on fire for him ready to pick up our cross and run 5 miles. Other days we can barely get out of bed to start our day to serve him. Also there is that Satan always in your head telling you to quit, give up, this Christian thing isn't for you, its too hard some days. Resist the resistance my friends! Be strong and courageous both physically and spiritually. I think of the para ells of running in general with racing towards Christ everyday when I get on the treadmill. I have been wanting to write about it for sometime now but have been struggling to find the words. Pretty simple.short.sweet.

Pin ups and being Plump

It all started in the 6th grade. Yes I remember it like yesterday...I became a woman, all of the sudden I got hips and probably 30 extra pounds. No boy liked me, which is a huge deal when you are in the 6th grade. So the cycle of self-confidence started, I was unhappy and huge. By the 8th grade I lost the weight and felt great again (I lost the weight because I hung out with girls who were obsessed with theirs so it was only natural I became obsessed with mine) Then freshmen year hit, it was another level of weight gain. With all the new people I met in high school and the new level of social pressure I once again got fat. This year is whenever I realized I was an emotional eater leaning on food for comfort. Sophomore year I lost it gradually again. See the problem is though I became obsessed with the scale during this time, and I had the most distorted image of myself, I was so thin and looked so good and in my head I thought I was STILL a cow. Hair school, I had the owner of the school look at me and say "Megan you sure have gained quite a bit of weight here." I told him I would lose it after I got out of his stupid school, a month later I came back and had dropped 30 pounds just to prove to him I could. Ever since sophomore year I have been obsessed with the scale. I hate that little device that tells me what a failure I am, how could I let myself get to the unthinkable weight I was 2 months ago? I am writing this because I think it is unfair the social pressure us woman have on us to look a certain way, be a certain weight, constantly be aware of our # on the scale. I have lived like this my whole life, and I refuse to live it anymore. From now on I will weigh once a month (this is progress because at the moment I weigh once to twice daily) and I am refusing to judge myself because of the # I see but rather the way my body looks. I have been running for about 2 months now and have seen an amazing transformation in my legs alone whether my scale can see it or not! I wish we could rewind to these days, I'm pretty sure I would be a stud ;)

The Three C's, College,Career, Complacency....

These 3 C's seem to be consuming my every thought recently. I am stuck in a rut it seems, complacent in my current state yet not.I'm thinking of things I would have done different, you know actually paid attention in school to attend the university I always had dreams of going to. Not shrugging off college to attend a hair school (especially since I rarely ever do hair anymore). Along with these things of course brings up career choices, whenever I was in high school I was determined I was going to be hairstylist for the rest of my life. WHO EVER THOUGHT OF LETTING US 18 YEAR OLDS DECIDE WHETHER WE WE WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE OR NOT??? I was done with high school it seemed practical heck even glamorous, hair school for a year then a career for a lifetime BARGAIN! Then reality cut like a knife, clientele was hard to build up and the patience we were all suppose to be graced with while waiting for those walk-ins...well I must have skipped that day. After 3 months total I gave up, yes I walked out on my grander of a dream of being the best hair stylist Oklahoma had ever seen. I walked into Banking, yes banking Monday-Friday 8-5 banking. It was stable, it was a paycheck, it lacked creativity and adventure. I guess now most jobs do. Anyways I have no college education under my belt but am bravely considering taking a couple courses when I can. I have no idea what I want to do with my life but can't imagine a trying economy choosing my jobs for me the rest of my life. These are my thoughts for the day. As for now...I'm still on the job hunt.

Insomnia

Soo here it is 2 am in the morning and I can't sleep, I am currently at my grandpa's house which doesn't have internet so I am writing this on notepad. Yes I said notepad. You see my computer is fairly new and I still have yet to upload Microsoft Word to the thing. Anyways that is not the point of this note, the point is I am reading a book right now called Sun Stand Still, it is so inspiring I can't stop turning the pages...and this is where my insomnia of the night comes into play. I have been battling a spiritual battle of faith recently. I feel as though I have been tested in every possible way the past couple months.*This normally happens whenever God is working overtime in my life* Tonight was no different. I went to bed with the pure intention of sleep, that's what most people do right? So as my mom drifted into sleep next to me I tossed and turned, I said my prayers and started begging God for sleep. I guess I figured with reading this book about praying a "Sun Stand Still Prayer" I would start tonight...after about an hour of tossing and turning I prayed God would give me sleep again more fervently this time...I tossed for another 30 minutes, then I got up read half a chapter in the book and tried for sleep again 30 mins later, well I am up now writing this. I write this because I think its hilarious because this never happens not to me. The problem of tonight is I can't stop praying, crazy right? I keep running my mouth to God and exclaiming how excited I am for this next chapter in my life and that I'm so happy he is my Savior. I started praying for a vision of a "Sun Stand Still Prayer" and also praying that he would give me rest...Somehow it just ended up jumbled into one big mess of prayer and talking thank God he was the only one listening! Anyway God has shown me my "Sun Stand Still Prayers"

1)I need to have faith in him for the little things not just the big things,for example tonight, this is my mindset "Yes Jesus I trust you to provide me a job but as far as me having enough peace to fall asleep in a place that's foreign to me, ehhh not so much." I know it sounds silly but this is what I am learning you must trust him with EVERY PIECE OF YOUR SOUL, YOUR HEART, YOUR MIND. I'm working on it, day by day or should I say night by night haha.

2)My intake of the world. I am trying to limit what junk I fill my mind with.

3)Marriage I am trying to prepare my heart and soul for marriage. I am seeking God to be my #1 love, I know I have a long path to go but I believe God has someone out there made perfectly for me. I am praying for him daily and I hope he is out there somewhere praying for me as well!

4)Mission Work I love seeing people come to know Christ, its awesome to see the amazing transformation that takes place. I have a heart that is breaking for God's children who are suffering around the world. I want nothing more than to share his love and see the other parts of creation he has made. I know it might be a while before I can make this vision a reality but starting today I am goal driven. I can't wait to see where my life is going to lead through him. I have a "Sun Stand Still Prayer" do you?

*If you are curious about all this talk of Sun Stand Still Check out the book by Steven Furtick, its about what happens when you dare to ask God for the impossible.

*Also feel free to check out lifechurch.tv this week. This is what our sermon will be based on. I am pumped!(Reference of the first Sun Still Prayer is Joshua 10:12 check it out!)

Accidents.

Sometimes in life, accidents occur. Webster's defines an accident as an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap. I was thinking of this yesterday as I pulled up to the place where my one and only traffic accident occurred last March. I was waiting to turn onto Bass from Cornwell (literally a block from my house) whenever I was unexpectedly rear-ended by a car doing 40 mph. This man was on several medications that he shouldn't have been driving on, so he didn't see my massive brown mini-van sitting still with my blinker flashing. What happened next was so swift and sudden I don't even recall the details. I just remember my glasses flying off my face and someone giving me a phone to call my family, I was so startled I could barely remember my home phone number which I have had since kindergarten! All of this being said this accident and the settlement which followed took about a year to sort out, there was insurance companies, lawyers, physical therapists, doctors, and even my own work boss to deal with. Whenever I look back I see alot of "accidents" that have happened in my own personal life. You don't see it coming, and whenever it finally hits its monumental, you don't remember but only a few specific details, and you realize a lot of people are affected by these events in your life as well (much like the lawyers, doctors, etc.) The crazy thing is while I know that the intersection at Bass and Cornwell is where my accident occurred, I still drive home this way everyday. Regardless of the risk knowing the same exact accident could happen again, I still choose the route. I think this is how a lot of us go along with our lives, we have "accidents" in our lives and we don't think twice about them. We put ourselves in the same situations over and over again and expose ourselves to the very thing that led to the first "accident" to begin with. With time we should learn from our "accidents" rather than keep running back to them. Just the thoughts in my mind today. Make the change, stop putting yourself through the same pain and suffering these "accidents" cause.

Proverbs 26:11.
Enjoy The Words.

There Is No Modern Romance....

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs wrote this song Modern Romance, and it speaks to me so much. In my generation it seems as though there is no modern romance. No doors being opened, no candle lit dinners, not even men picking up woman and taking them on a date. My generation of men well it seems like they are apathetic to dating. I don't blame them though, look at us woman we run around, throwing ourselves at them, dressing scandalous, acting as if we are starved for attention and give it up so easy its just plain sad. I want a romance, I want a courtship, I want a man to open my doors, fix me candle-lit dinners, and most of all as cheesy as it sounds to be as equally in love with Jesus as I am. I once read a book called I kissed dating goodbye. The author of the book chose not to date until he found the woman he was called to marry. I was so taken back by this book it breaks every rule in the dating scheme as we know today. This author continued to write another book called Boy Meets Girl. Where he took us as the reader through his courtship with his wife. This book was so amazing to me, I will never forget reading that he was straight up to his now wife in the very beginning saying "If I date you it is because I am pursuing the act of marriage." He genuinely meant it too, how outstanding would that be? To have a man look at you with the intent of having you as his wife someday and not just another warm body! I guess I just miss the old love stories that you read about, or that your grandparents tell you about. I will never forget my grandma sitting me down and showing me all the marriage certificates from our family and the stories of getting married young for love and such..... I refuse to believe romance is completely dead and I believe one day God will grant me someone who can full-fill my dreams of having a God blessed courtship and marriage but until then I'm flying solo :)

Unemployment and what I've learned thus far

I am unemployed and I know God has me in the exact moment he wants me in but man is it hard to believe and accept. You see I woke up this morning at a leisurely time of 11 am and went to the kitchen, let out the dogs, lazily got a cup of coffee and thought to myself boy am I going to miss this whenever I do get a job. I do have this out of work routine kinda down to an art. Its exactly as listed above, then after that its youversion.com to dig into the word for about 30-45 mins. Then its off to the gym and tanning. I love that I have learned how to focus on reading the word first thing in the morning, I used to never have that kind of discipline or general interest for the Bible. I mean don't get me wrong I've loved Jesus for quite a while now but I have never really had a passion to dig deeper.I have been quite irritated with not having a job but, believe it or not I am finally becoming content in everything I do. This is odd because well if you know me...you know I'm never content. I'm always moving around looking for the next best thing.(I mean literally moving around like to Germany and back twice now) I have realized though while I was looking for that content moment I was watching life fly pass me in the most negative mind-state imaginable. Things happen. Life isn't perfect. In Christ though there is beauty in the imperfection and rawness of life. God is good. I know he has a plan and I will prevail! Keep the faith everyone...I know I am :)

Friendship...

So this topic is on my heart recently because of a recent happening. I had a friend who was one of my closest, she knew everything about me I knew everything about her. We even lived together for a brief period of time. Then after moving out we drifted big time, she said I never wanted to hang out with her unless it benefited me. You see at this point in my life I didn't have a car to get around in, so yes often times we would go run errands and such while we were hanging out. Saying that I was using her though hurt me, cut right through my heart. I tried to get over it but I couldn't...She told me I was selfish. I denied being such a thing, we tried to mend our friendship but the problem was I never let her know I felt. I let her vent and get all her anger and emotion out on me, but never let out my own and it built up inside until one day it boiled over. It was all over a hat. Yes a hat. I had traveled back home and left a very special hat at her home. Then I saw she had posted pics on facebook of her out and about the town wearing MY precious hat...I went off! I was convinced she had kept the hat for herself because she liked it and I was furious. All the anger, frustration, and sadness swept over me all over a stupid hat. I deleted and blocked her on my facebook. I am a 22 year old woman and this just shows how immature I am and still have many character flaws that I am working on. The funny thing is I really thought she wouldn't notice that I deleted and blocked her, silly me. The next day I had a facebook message demanding an explanation. I told her the truth, I got a novel from her in reply and I can't lie I looked at the first line it read "Megan you need to listen to me for once" scrolled down to see how long it was and what it consisted of just scanning it then deleted it, I never even read the thing....I'm writing all of this now because I have realized I am selfish. Who deletes a friend out of their life over a hat? After coming back home and getting back in touch with God I realize how trivial and stupid this move was. My friend took me in when I had no shelter, provided me meals, a bed, and I threw our friendship out the door because of a hat. I hope one day this friend is able to read this post and genuinely know I'm sorry. I don't expect our friendship to be the same. Honestly I don't expect a friendship at all... I just need her to know I'm sorry. I mean it this time and I'm sorry that I have put you through this self-centered, selfish friendship.

Going Out On The Town

So last night I got all dolled up to go out on the town with two of my girlfriends, recently I have made a commitment to myself to not get "hammered drunk" whenever I go out. But nonetheless I still got all dolled up for the occasion. We went out and had a blast we took a ton of photos and it was ooh so fun. I was uploading these pictures to facebook today and felt mildly convicted. Even though I wasn't drunk I still looked like I was out partying like a rock star. Then I got to thinking, God knows my heart, he knows my actions, and he knows my lifestyle...who do I have to prove my faith to? We are all called to be great examples, ambassadors for Christ, and I get that I really do...but is it my fault if some look at my pictures with eyes of a Pharisee refusing to believe that I am a good person and I was just out having fun with my friends, no drunkenness involved. I believe I am my worst critic. In my eyes I will never be skinny enough, do enough good works, or amount to the woman I have full potential to be. I am deeply working on this, I am speaking Psalms 139:14 to myself daily. I removed several of the photos in fear that some might look upon them and judge, wow that makeup is too bright, that dress is too short, that smile too big. But you know what God made me in his image, I am not perfect and I will not be able to please everyone with my actions. I just hope people can see the genuine change I am progressively moving towards in my journey with him. I want to be an outward reflection of the joy within me because I am made whole in him!!!!!!!!!!

9 Months Later...

I remembered I had a blog! On June 28, 2010 the divorce was finalized, that chapter of my life finally closed. This chapter though is a very important chapter which led me to Jesus. You see growing up I went to all the church camps, all the Wednesday night gatherings, honesty anytime the church doors were open I was there. I knew all the right answers to all the questions heck I even prayed the "infamous" salvation prayer while attending a church camp in the 7th grade. Somewhere along the way though I lost sight of Jesus, problem was my sights were never really on Jesus I went to church cause honestly I had nothing better to do. After high school I went to Barber School, this is whenever Satan snatched me! I became the girl I never had any ambition to become, parties every weekend, disrespecting my parents and their rules, and just going plain nuts. After obtaining my barber license is when I got with my ex-husband. We rushed in fools in love...Silly us we were so young and naive thinking we couldn't live without each other. We got married, four months later I was in Germany living married life. Marriage was not the magical land of bliss I was expecting. My husband was not the man I knew him to be and sure enough, Great turned to good, which turned to alright, which led to rough, which led to bad, which led to disastrous...This is where I found God. I will never forget the day, him and I were in a heated argument throwing around the big DIVORCE word. He looked at me straight faced and asked "Where is your God now?" at that moment I ran into our room and sat on our bed and cried... I screamed out to him where was he? Why was this happening? And I begged him to come save me, that day he did. I have never been the same. This is my salvation story. The love story of how Jesus wrapped his arms around me in love and hasn't let go since then.

*As for a follow up on my no men in 2010 I feel as though it was a success, I wasn't perfect but for the most part I was alone and a.o.k. I still am. My heart still belongs to Jesus and he is still my #1 lover.