I figured it was time for an update.

So This is it I survived my first week of being a freshmen. Yes at the striking young age of 22 I have decided to pursue a degree. I declared nursing as my major, but I fear it will be changing at some point. There is not much to say as now my life consists of these 3 primary things.

1. School


2. Church


3. Work


Feeling a bit uninspired in the blogging world. I think its due to over-exhausting myself on English Comp 1. It should be simple, but I'm over analyzing and over thinking. Stereotypical Meg D.

God's Grace is Sufficient. Even for a Sinner Like Me.

I've felt extremely uninspired. I have nothing even remotely interesting to write about other than the usual "oh woah is me." lines I have become so accustomed to proclaiming ...I can't stand whom I have become. Let me just tell you about it. I don't know how it happened but I drifted away. I feel it honestly hit once I moved out. Just recently I have missed God's ever presence in my life. I used to feel him like a best friend side by side throughout the day. Then life happened. Work happened. I changed. I used to pray prayers such as "God please let me be a light in my work environment, they need you." Now I pray something like this "God I'm so sorry I have failed as an example for you. I act exactly like the lost, saying and doing as I please with little remorse. I'm sorry I suck at representing you." I also used to tithe before I moved out. I looked forward to giving back to him and his kingdom. Now I have it fit into my budget, but hold onto it for fear that his promises won't hold true. That he won't provide. I am such a selfish joke right now. My faith lacks faith, how is that even possible? I want so badly to be the boldest Christ Follower around but am constantly falling down and messing up. I know we are all human. I just have a hard time grasping his everlasting grace. It is nothing I can earn yet I still have an internal struggle thinking I can. If I act just a little better maybe he will bless me with a better paycheck, a nice boy who loves him as much as me...I keep trying to earn my way. I know its not the right way. How do I change the thinking pattern though? I must grasp that he loves me even when things are not perfect. Things will never be perfect. There is beauty in the breakdown. That is what this is. This is the breakdown.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Finding Faith In Men My Age

Here it is confession time. I am ridiculous. Fact. I know most of you all who actually read my blog can pick up on this just by well reading, but thanks for continuing to still do so! Anyways it has recently occurred to me that I have a super skeptical view on most men around my age. I have managed to convince myself that you men from ages 20-30 only want one thing. While this is true for so many of you I know down deep in my heart that there are still some good ones out there. Unfortunately I have trained myself to be so defensive, cold, and in some instances down right heartless. They say that the first step of getting over a problem is admitting you have one right? So step one is down! I guess this thought process started back in 2010 you know the year I swore off all men. (well the majority of the year) It was like since I had sworn off dudes I became the ultimate challenge the one to break the celibacy. I remember being so disgusted with all the guys who claimed to be my friends. Whom had their own motives all secretly planning their "friend scheme" to get into my pants. Needless to say none of the tactics worked. The games are all so clear when you are standing on the outside so far and removed, looking in. Anyways I am going to give you men 20-30 age range a chance. I am going to try and not look at you all with judging, jaded eyes. I will have faith that there are still some genuine guys out there.



Yes Zac Efron that means I'm even giving you a chance ;D

Getting to know yourself.

It is so funny the way things are. As I am growing up I am learning various things about myself that well I have never really noticed. Since moving out I have learned several things they are listed below

1. I am an overly-social individual, I crave constant attention, social interaction, communication EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY
2. I am an extremist. If I'm feeling great I'm on cloud 9 if I'm feeling low I'm dirt on the ground. There is just no mid-range with me. I'm an all or nothing kind of gal
3. I have many vices. I shove them deep down into my heart and go many many many months without touching one of them, but when I start with one well here come the next five right along with the first...
4. I struggle with budgeting. It seems so adult-like and for this reason well that leads me to #5
5. In my mind and heart I still feel 18 years old. I know I have gone through many things and have grown up so much, but I still feel entirely too young to act as old as I do. I have a major case of not wanting to accept reality that I am an adult. This is life as I know it. For now.

All these things listed I have just recently noticed because of my move out on my own in the big wide world haha. Its very interesting getting to know yourself. I was under the impression I had at least figured myself out. No way Jose! Took it to a whole nother level living alone with time to waste on me, myself, and I. Finding myself along the way on this crazy road we call life. This is me :)

The awkward moment.

In a friendship whenever you realize it will never be the same. This is on my mind today. Take for instance my friend Savannah & I...I will never forget the day I moved out 6 months after moving in, our friendship was never going to be the same. Though we still remain abnormally close we are no longer attached at the hip *or up each others butts 24/7. She is still in Germany I am back in Oklahoma. She is pregnant & married. I have been primararly single for a year & a half. I have another friend who is leaving for another country very soon. This one is in the airforce of course. We have been friends for a good minute...by minute I mean 8 years. Here recently I have reconnected with this one, became pretty close again. Then gone...2 weeks from now I won't even be able to shoot a text or pick up a phone and call. Its just crazy how people come in and out of your life so swiftly, as soon as it happens it seems its over as well. I wish I could sleep with ease at night knowing all my friends near and far will never drift away ever...but well its just not reality. Reality is life changes with these changes your friends do too. I guess I'm just contemplating these things as I have recently moved out alone for the first time ever....completly alone. Its too quiet. Too alone. Too adult. I'm happy don't get me wrong. Just still not 100% content. Is there really such a thing though? Feeling distant.

"Here's to You"

Today is June 28th. Today is a monumental moment in my small existence in this world. It has been a year my friends. A year since I finally ended it all with a signature on the dotted line and an oath in front of the judge. Funny its only been a year. So much has changed. You see I'm still in the middle of finding myself. My life is the most beautiful disaster I could ever hope for or imagine! You...well you. Where do I start? You are remarried? She is 12 years older? She is the complete opposite of me. Yeah. Very interesting. I am no way shape or form dogging you about any of these solid facts I just find them well quite honestly HIGHLY ENTERTAINING! I wish ya well sir. I must say though the track record isn't looking too good. It seems as though you can't be alone. How sad. You see to fight loneliness is human nature, I understand this. The beauty in being alone though is you learn yourself. You figure out what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you mad, all of these things are crucial to understanding ones' self before bringing a significant other into the picture. As I have primarily been alone for the past year and a half I feel as though I am half-way there to the point of self-actualization. Maybe someday soon in the near future I will be there. If not well lets face it I have at least 5-7 years of schooling to get through before I can honestly focus solely on pursing a relationship with someone. So I'm learning to not worry about it right now. This is my beautiful season of singleness I've been blessed with. Everyday is a gift and well today is the day I praise the Lord that he sent my life into a downward spiral a year ago only to lift me from the ashes!

Yes I will take a martini neat please...

Here recently I have become simply fascinated with the 1930s era not only people, fashion, and overall greatness but specifically the music. Here in Oklahoma City we have a radio station called 105.3 The Martini and I find myself listening to it more and more each passing week. I listen to the lyrics of most these songs they sing of falling in love, innocent strolls in the park, holding hands and such. I can't help but wonder how did the world ever get this way? Don't get me wrong I'm so glad we have the modern technology we have, but where did the simplicity of love and innocence go? We went from Sinatra to Snoop Dogg...tell me what happened? I fall in love with each song singing of such sweet, slow, love. Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic in love with the idea of being in love. Wishing life was in black and white like the old photos and movies. I honestly haven't a clue where I was going with this post other than thinking out loud and wishing at the moment I would have lived some portion of my life back in the 1930s. Maybe I can pretend that I do one evening and host a 1930s party in the 1930s pad (haha historical neighborhood joke). I could have rocked some pearls and heels, cleaned some house, and cooked some great food. Just sayin ;)