Things I've learned since running...

1. Every day is not going to be your best day! You are just simply going to have bad running days. You will not (or in my case I will not) run 5 miles every day...fact.

2. There will be times whenever you feel like giving up, like your body is working against you. Resist the resistance!

3. There will be days the last thing you want to do is roll out of bed and onto the treadmill, get over it. Go out there and live.

4. A lot of running is a mental game. If you are mentally healthy you can do it, but if your head is filled with "I can't, I will never make it, this isn't for me" then you are right it isn't for you because you will never make it with a negative attitude.

5. You can't compare yourself to the other runners or you will fail. Take me for example. When I run on the treadmill I am a beast. I stop down so hard with every step its ridiculous. At first I cared about how loud my feet would land on the thing, then I realized what does it matter? *Yes people do tend to give me dirty looks like "Geez lady could you tear the treadmill up some more."So I'm louder than the rest? This is me. This is how I run.

KEY POINT: I see running a lot like I see our spiritual relationship with Christ. We have good days we have bad days. Some days we are on fire for him ready to pick up our cross and run 5 miles. Other days we can barely get out of bed to start our day to serve him. Also there is that Satan always in your head telling you to quit, give up, this Christian thing isn't for you, its too hard some days. Resist the resistance my friends! Be strong and courageous both physically and spiritually. I think of the para ells of running in general with racing towards Christ everyday when I get on the treadmill. I have been wanting to write about it for sometime now but have been struggling to find the words. Pretty simple.short.sweet.

Pin ups and being Plump

It all started in the 6th grade. Yes I remember it like yesterday...I became a woman, all of the sudden I got hips and probably 30 extra pounds. No boy liked me, which is a huge deal when you are in the 6th grade. So the cycle of self-confidence started, I was unhappy and huge. By the 8th grade I lost the weight and felt great again (I lost the weight because I hung out with girls who were obsessed with theirs so it was only natural I became obsessed with mine) Then freshmen year hit, it was another level of weight gain. With all the new people I met in high school and the new level of social pressure I once again got fat. This year is whenever I realized I was an emotional eater leaning on food for comfort. Sophomore year I lost it gradually again. See the problem is though I became obsessed with the scale during this time, and I had the most distorted image of myself, I was so thin and looked so good and in my head I thought I was STILL a cow. Hair school, I had the owner of the school look at me and say "Megan you sure have gained quite a bit of weight here." I told him I would lose it after I got out of his stupid school, a month later I came back and had dropped 30 pounds just to prove to him I could. Ever since sophomore year I have been obsessed with the scale. I hate that little device that tells me what a failure I am, how could I let myself get to the unthinkable weight I was 2 months ago? I am writing this because I think it is unfair the social pressure us woman have on us to look a certain way, be a certain weight, constantly be aware of our # on the scale. I have lived like this my whole life, and I refuse to live it anymore. From now on I will weigh once a month (this is progress because at the moment I weigh once to twice daily) and I am refusing to judge myself because of the # I see but rather the way my body looks. I have been running for about 2 months now and have seen an amazing transformation in my legs alone whether my scale can see it or not! I wish we could rewind to these days, I'm pretty sure I would be a stud ;)

The Three C's, College,Career, Complacency....

These 3 C's seem to be consuming my every thought recently. I am stuck in a rut it seems, complacent in my current state yet not.I'm thinking of things I would have done different, you know actually paid attention in school to attend the university I always had dreams of going to. Not shrugging off college to attend a hair school (especially since I rarely ever do hair anymore). Along with these things of course brings up career choices, whenever I was in high school I was determined I was going to be hairstylist for the rest of my life. WHO EVER THOUGHT OF LETTING US 18 YEAR OLDS DECIDE WHETHER WE WE WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE OR NOT??? I was done with high school it seemed practical heck even glamorous, hair school for a year then a career for a lifetime BARGAIN! Then reality cut like a knife, clientele was hard to build up and the patience we were all suppose to be graced with while waiting for those walk-ins...well I must have skipped that day. After 3 months total I gave up, yes I walked out on my grander of a dream of being the best hair stylist Oklahoma had ever seen. I walked into Banking, yes banking Monday-Friday 8-5 banking. It was stable, it was a paycheck, it lacked creativity and adventure. I guess now most jobs do. Anyways I have no college education under my belt but am bravely considering taking a couple courses when I can. I have no idea what I want to do with my life but can't imagine a trying economy choosing my jobs for me the rest of my life. These are my thoughts for the day. As for now...I'm still on the job hunt.

Insomnia

Soo here it is 2 am in the morning and I can't sleep, I am currently at my grandpa's house which doesn't have internet so I am writing this on notepad. Yes I said notepad. You see my computer is fairly new and I still have yet to upload Microsoft Word to the thing. Anyways that is not the point of this note, the point is I am reading a book right now called Sun Stand Still, it is so inspiring I can't stop turning the pages...and this is where my insomnia of the night comes into play. I have been battling a spiritual battle of faith recently. I feel as though I have been tested in every possible way the past couple months.*This normally happens whenever God is working overtime in my life* Tonight was no different. I went to bed with the pure intention of sleep, that's what most people do right? So as my mom drifted into sleep next to me I tossed and turned, I said my prayers and started begging God for sleep. I guess I figured with reading this book about praying a "Sun Stand Still Prayer" I would start tonight...after about an hour of tossing and turning I prayed God would give me sleep again more fervently this time...I tossed for another 30 minutes, then I got up read half a chapter in the book and tried for sleep again 30 mins later, well I am up now writing this. I write this because I think its hilarious because this never happens not to me. The problem of tonight is I can't stop praying, crazy right? I keep running my mouth to God and exclaiming how excited I am for this next chapter in my life and that I'm so happy he is my Savior. I started praying for a vision of a "Sun Stand Still Prayer" and also praying that he would give me rest...Somehow it just ended up jumbled into one big mess of prayer and talking thank God he was the only one listening! Anyway God has shown me my "Sun Stand Still Prayers"

1)I need to have faith in him for the little things not just the big things,for example tonight, this is my mindset "Yes Jesus I trust you to provide me a job but as far as me having enough peace to fall asleep in a place that's foreign to me, ehhh not so much." I know it sounds silly but this is what I am learning you must trust him with EVERY PIECE OF YOUR SOUL, YOUR HEART, YOUR MIND. I'm working on it, day by day or should I say night by night haha.

2)My intake of the world. I am trying to limit what junk I fill my mind with.

3)Marriage I am trying to prepare my heart and soul for marriage. I am seeking God to be my #1 love, I know I have a long path to go but I believe God has someone out there made perfectly for me. I am praying for him daily and I hope he is out there somewhere praying for me as well!

4)Mission Work I love seeing people come to know Christ, its awesome to see the amazing transformation that takes place. I have a heart that is breaking for God's children who are suffering around the world. I want nothing more than to share his love and see the other parts of creation he has made. I know it might be a while before I can make this vision a reality but starting today I am goal driven. I can't wait to see where my life is going to lead through him. I have a "Sun Stand Still Prayer" do you?

*If you are curious about all this talk of Sun Stand Still Check out the book by Steven Furtick, its about what happens when you dare to ask God for the impossible.

*Also feel free to check out lifechurch.tv this week. This is what our sermon will be based on. I am pumped!(Reference of the first Sun Still Prayer is Joshua 10:12 check it out!)

Accidents.

Sometimes in life, accidents occur. Webster's defines an accident as an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap. I was thinking of this yesterday as I pulled up to the place where my one and only traffic accident occurred last March. I was waiting to turn onto Bass from Cornwell (literally a block from my house) whenever I was unexpectedly rear-ended by a car doing 40 mph. This man was on several medications that he shouldn't have been driving on, so he didn't see my massive brown mini-van sitting still with my blinker flashing. What happened next was so swift and sudden I don't even recall the details. I just remember my glasses flying off my face and someone giving me a phone to call my family, I was so startled I could barely remember my home phone number which I have had since kindergarten! All of this being said this accident and the settlement which followed took about a year to sort out, there was insurance companies, lawyers, physical therapists, doctors, and even my own work boss to deal with. Whenever I look back I see alot of "accidents" that have happened in my own personal life. You don't see it coming, and whenever it finally hits its monumental, you don't remember but only a few specific details, and you realize a lot of people are affected by these events in your life as well (much like the lawyers, doctors, etc.) The crazy thing is while I know that the intersection at Bass and Cornwell is where my accident occurred, I still drive home this way everyday. Regardless of the risk knowing the same exact accident could happen again, I still choose the route. I think this is how a lot of us go along with our lives, we have "accidents" in our lives and we don't think twice about them. We put ourselves in the same situations over and over again and expose ourselves to the very thing that led to the first "accident" to begin with. With time we should learn from our "accidents" rather than keep running back to them. Just the thoughts in my mind today. Make the change, stop putting yourself through the same pain and suffering these "accidents" cause.

Proverbs 26:11.
Enjoy The Words.

There Is No Modern Romance....

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs wrote this song Modern Romance, and it speaks to me so much. In my generation it seems as though there is no modern romance. No doors being opened, no candle lit dinners, not even men picking up woman and taking them on a date. My generation of men well it seems like they are apathetic to dating. I don't blame them though, look at us woman we run around, throwing ourselves at them, dressing scandalous, acting as if we are starved for attention and give it up so easy its just plain sad. I want a romance, I want a courtship, I want a man to open my doors, fix me candle-lit dinners, and most of all as cheesy as it sounds to be as equally in love with Jesus as I am. I once read a book called I kissed dating goodbye. The author of the book chose not to date until he found the woman he was called to marry. I was so taken back by this book it breaks every rule in the dating scheme as we know today. This author continued to write another book called Boy Meets Girl. Where he took us as the reader through his courtship with his wife. This book was so amazing to me, I will never forget reading that he was straight up to his now wife in the very beginning saying "If I date you it is because I am pursuing the act of marriage." He genuinely meant it too, how outstanding would that be? To have a man look at you with the intent of having you as his wife someday and not just another warm body! I guess I just miss the old love stories that you read about, or that your grandparents tell you about. I will never forget my grandma sitting me down and showing me all the marriage certificates from our family and the stories of getting married young for love and such..... I refuse to believe romance is completely dead and I believe one day God will grant me someone who can full-fill my dreams of having a God blessed courtship and marriage but until then I'm flying solo :)

Unemployment and what I've learned thus far

I am unemployed and I know God has me in the exact moment he wants me in but man is it hard to believe and accept. You see I woke up this morning at a leisurely time of 11 am and went to the kitchen, let out the dogs, lazily got a cup of coffee and thought to myself boy am I going to miss this whenever I do get a job. I do have this out of work routine kinda down to an art. Its exactly as listed above, then after that its youversion.com to dig into the word for about 30-45 mins. Then its off to the gym and tanning. I love that I have learned how to focus on reading the word first thing in the morning, I used to never have that kind of discipline or general interest for the Bible. I mean don't get me wrong I've loved Jesus for quite a while now but I have never really had a passion to dig deeper.I have been quite irritated with not having a job but, believe it or not I am finally becoming content in everything I do. This is odd because well if you know me...you know I'm never content. I'm always moving around looking for the next best thing.(I mean literally moving around like to Germany and back twice now) I have realized though while I was looking for that content moment I was watching life fly pass me in the most negative mind-state imaginable. Things happen. Life isn't perfect. In Christ though there is beauty in the imperfection and rawness of life. God is good. I know he has a plan and I will prevail! Keep the faith everyone...I know I am :)

Friendship...

So this topic is on my heart recently because of a recent happening. I had a friend who was one of my closest, she knew everything about me I knew everything about her. We even lived together for a brief period of time. Then after moving out we drifted big time, she said I never wanted to hang out with her unless it benefited me. You see at this point in my life I didn't have a car to get around in, so yes often times we would go run errands and such while we were hanging out. Saying that I was using her though hurt me, cut right through my heart. I tried to get over it but I couldn't...She told me I was selfish. I denied being such a thing, we tried to mend our friendship but the problem was I never let her know I felt. I let her vent and get all her anger and emotion out on me, but never let out my own and it built up inside until one day it boiled over. It was all over a hat. Yes a hat. I had traveled back home and left a very special hat at her home. Then I saw she had posted pics on facebook of her out and about the town wearing MY precious hat...I went off! I was convinced she had kept the hat for herself because she liked it and I was furious. All the anger, frustration, and sadness swept over me all over a stupid hat. I deleted and blocked her on my facebook. I am a 22 year old woman and this just shows how immature I am and still have many character flaws that I am working on. The funny thing is I really thought she wouldn't notice that I deleted and blocked her, silly me. The next day I had a facebook message demanding an explanation. I told her the truth, I got a novel from her in reply and I can't lie I looked at the first line it read "Megan you need to listen to me for once" scrolled down to see how long it was and what it consisted of just scanning it then deleted it, I never even read the thing....I'm writing all of this now because I have realized I am selfish. Who deletes a friend out of their life over a hat? After coming back home and getting back in touch with God I realize how trivial and stupid this move was. My friend took me in when I had no shelter, provided me meals, a bed, and I threw our friendship out the door because of a hat. I hope one day this friend is able to read this post and genuinely know I'm sorry. I don't expect our friendship to be the same. Honestly I don't expect a friendship at all... I just need her to know I'm sorry. I mean it this time and I'm sorry that I have put you through this self-centered, selfish friendship.