I should be studying...or be asleep.

But I have a list of things swirling around me in my mind so I figure I will tell the world about them in an attempt to clear my head before I go to bed.

1. I approved my private student loan on Saturday, but tomorrow is Thursday and they still have yet to disburse it.

2. I need to fill my gas tank up in the morning

3. I need to buy shampoo and conditioner tomorrow morning

4. I am technically to broke to do either of these things but they are essentials; thank God for parents.

5. I apparently owe some doctor's office $230 for some crappy ex-rays done on my left ankle back in February. I owe another doctor's office $60 for some biopsies of my stomach that proved useless. This is because my health insurance company stinks...well did stink. Seeing as now I am a part time employee and no longer have any. I also dug myself in a hole of $350 for 2 fillings and a crown before I lost my dental insurance. Debt stinks and I currently have a lot.

6. I am overwhelmed by school. The whole atmosphere, actual in class assignments, and participation...and lack of someone to spend my lunch break with has me feeling awkward and more socially out of place than ever before. In high school I was Miss. Knows Everyone. In college I am Ms. Knows no-one.

7. I should really be reading my Spark Notes over The Canterbury Tales right now, or doing a small sheet of homework due tomorrow for humanities, or my minuscule amount of homework for my general math for education course. *Note I am doing none of the above*

8. I am back to "non-relationship focus on school Meg"... I know you might think it is a lonely place to be and you are right for the first week it was rough, but God is good and so are my friends and family. They have and are continuing to help me understand that this is spiritual growth I am experiencing and not in vain. I am not alone and more often than not I am okay. Complacent with Jesus and myself kickin it.

9. I am currently reading "When Life is Hard" by James Macdonald. I feel there is no better time than the present to read such a book.

10. All of this to say I AM LETTING GO! There is already a whirl-wind of chaos surrounding me so I might as well be sucked into the matter. God is going to take care of me, this I know for certain. I must stop and trust him and stop trying to figure it all out. Stop trying to guess God's next move is like this life is one big "celestial game of chess" we are playing guessing which pawn he will put into position next. WHO KNOWS!? AND WHO CARES!? He is God and I am not. For I am simply clay in the Potter's hands. - Isaiah 64:8

My whirlwind...From what I see it is chaos, from God's view it is love.