Finding Faith In Men My Age

Here it is confession time. I am ridiculous. Fact. I know most of you all who actually read my blog can pick up on this just by well reading, but thanks for continuing to still do so! Anyways it has recently occurred to me that I have a super skeptical view on most men around my age. I have managed to convince myself that you men from ages 20-30 only want one thing. While this is true for so many of you I know down deep in my heart that there are still some good ones out there. Unfortunately I have trained myself to be so defensive, cold, and in some instances down right heartless. They say that the first step of getting over a problem is admitting you have one right? So step one is down! I guess this thought process started back in 2010 you know the year I swore off all men. (well the majority of the year) It was like since I had sworn off dudes I became the ultimate challenge the one to break the celibacy. I remember being so disgusted with all the guys who claimed to be my friends. Whom had their own motives all secretly planning their "friend scheme" to get into my pants. Needless to say none of the tactics worked. The games are all so clear when you are standing on the outside so far and removed, looking in. Anyways I am going to give you men 20-30 age range a chance. I am going to try and not look at you all with judging, jaded eyes. I will have faith that there are still some genuine guys out there.



Yes Zac Efron that means I'm even giving you a chance ;D

Getting to know yourself.

It is so funny the way things are. As I am growing up I am learning various things about myself that well I have never really noticed. Since moving out I have learned several things they are listed below

1. I am an overly-social individual, I crave constant attention, social interaction, communication EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY
2. I am an extremist. If I'm feeling great I'm on cloud 9 if I'm feeling low I'm dirt on the ground. There is just no mid-range with me. I'm an all or nothing kind of gal
3. I have many vices. I shove them deep down into my heart and go many many many months without touching one of them, but when I start with one well here come the next five right along with the first...
4. I struggle with budgeting. It seems so adult-like and for this reason well that leads me to #5
5. In my mind and heart I still feel 18 years old. I know I have gone through many things and have grown up so much, but I still feel entirely too young to act as old as I do. I have a major case of not wanting to accept reality that I am an adult. This is life as I know it. For now.

All these things listed I have just recently noticed because of my move out on my own in the big wide world haha. Its very interesting getting to know yourself. I was under the impression I had at least figured myself out. No way Jose! Took it to a whole nother level living alone with time to waste on me, myself, and I. Finding myself along the way on this crazy road we call life. This is me :)

The awkward moment.

In a friendship whenever you realize it will never be the same. This is on my mind today. Take for instance my friend Savannah & I...I will never forget the day I moved out 6 months after moving in, our friendship was never going to be the same. Though we still remain abnormally close we are no longer attached at the hip *or up each others butts 24/7. She is still in Germany I am back in Oklahoma. She is pregnant & married. I have been primararly single for a year & a half. I have another friend who is leaving for another country very soon. This one is in the airforce of course. We have been friends for a good minute...by minute I mean 8 years. Here recently I have reconnected with this one, became pretty close again. Then gone...2 weeks from now I won't even be able to shoot a text or pick up a phone and call. Its just crazy how people come in and out of your life so swiftly, as soon as it happens it seems its over as well. I wish I could sleep with ease at night knowing all my friends near and far will never drift away ever...but well its just not reality. Reality is life changes with these changes your friends do too. I guess I'm just contemplating these things as I have recently moved out alone for the first time ever....completly alone. Its too quiet. Too alone. Too adult. I'm happy don't get me wrong. Just still not 100% content. Is there really such a thing though? Feeling distant.